Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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