i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I looked at my own cervix.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
