Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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