so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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