Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
