the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
