ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
