The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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