Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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