How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
