Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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