I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
