I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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