Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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