you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
