I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
