Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
