so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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