I faked an abortion last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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