Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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