i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
