pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
