Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
