addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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