i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
