break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
pray to the hookup gods
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
