im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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