I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
