you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
