The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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