We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
