Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
