He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
