She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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