My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
