don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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