I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
that may or may not have been my penis.
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