Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
