1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
