You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
