Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
