I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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