It's like God shit irony all over that family
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
