We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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