I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
