giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
