I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
