hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
