The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
