Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
