Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize