i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
