Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
