and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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