quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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