The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
