thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And then he peed in my hair
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