Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
