Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
