Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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