today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
