I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
