Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
